Shortly before noon today, Léon Elongo Kanda-Kanda, North Kivu
provincial director of state-owned national broadcasting system
(RTNC), appeared on Kinshasa TV to announce auspicious news from Goma.
Kanda-Kanda was appearing on the mid-morning Kabila-mongering show
"701 Congo Histoire" anchored by sycophant Lushima Ndjate.
Kanda-Kanda went on to say that yesterday, Friday 4, at 4 a.m. eastern
DRC time (GMT + 2), at the Virunga quarter of Goma, a midwife
delivered a newborn (gender unspecified) with her left hand clenched
into a fist.
Upon unclenching the newborn's fist, the midwife found a letter in
Swahili from God addressed to "Raïs" Joseph Kabila.
At this juncture of Kanda-Kanda's narrative, a cutaway shot showed and
dwelled on the photocopy of God's handwritten letter to his chosen
son, the Raïs.
I'm shocked to find out that penmanship isn't God's forte. And when
Kanda-Kanda proceeded to read his copy of God's letter, I noted that
God's Swahili syntax is as muddled as His handwriting!
Listening to the confused content of the letter, it suddenly dawned on
me that God might have had one too many of "kanyanga"--the local
moonshine.
Here's the content of God's letter--with humanly- heavily edited syntax:
"Letter from God to Raïs Joseph Kabila Kabange:
Fear not, O my son
I chose you ever since you were in your mother's womb
Let them hate you
Like they hated my son
Jesus Christ
Let them be
Don't be tempted to spill blood
I've chosen you as leader
Stay in command as long as you see fit
I've chosen this illeterate woman to get this message to you
Take good care of her and her newborn;
Spoil them
Blah blah blah
Blah blah blah"
Mark this down folks: God has just most definitely broken into this
world! Which means we're living in Prophetic times! Rapture! Apocalyse
Now!... But fear not, a Messiah is alreay here: name of Raïs!
Saturday, 5 May 2012
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